Burn Scars On His Heart
by Jodiexxx
Summary: SLASH/YAOI/BOYXBOY. Ruka wishes that he can just forget about all these feelings he has for Natsume; these emotions do nothing but play on his already worn-out heart, and leave a searing trail of agony behind them wherever they dance.
1. Not So Platonic

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.**

**Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Uh, first story on this account, and it's a slash (yaoi) story for Gakuen Alice. A Natsume X Ruka pairing, to be exact. I'll warn you first; this story is categorized under Romance/Angst for a reason – you probably won't like the ending if you like happy endings. I guess this is somewhat considered as a spoiler, but I don't want people reviewing the last chapter to complain to me that they'd hoped for something else as an ending.**

**WARNING: THIS IS A BOY X BOY/SLASH/YAOI STORY. Homophobes, don't read this.**

:-:-:

**EPISODE ONE: NOT-SO-PLATONIC**

_**Ruka **__**Nogi **__**at **__**age **__**thirteen**_

13-year-old Ruka Nogi was getting rather annoyed by his long-time childhood blackmailer. Carding his long slender fingers through his soft blond hair, he cussed aloud. "Not again, Imai!" He yelled, shaking a frustrated fist in the direction of a girl who was already seated comfortably on her duck scooter and whooshing off into the distance.

He supposed he could call down a hawk or a bald eagle or something, but today he was just dead beat and far from in the mood to go on a wild goose chase whereby he most likely wouldn't be able to retrieve his pictures anyway. Heaving a heavy sigh, the blond-haired boy flopped down onto the wooden bench nearest to him and groaned. Burying his face in his hands, Ruka wondered if this was a sign that he should just give up on trying to stop Hotaru from violating his rights. He never seemed to win, anyway.

"Ruka-pyon?" Mikan Sakura's prominent voice made his ears perk up and he raised his head to see the innocent-looking brunette standing before him, looking as cheerful as always. Right then, there was an inquisitive look plastered on her face as she tilted her head to the left.

She looked like a beautiful angel who'd fallen onto earth due to a clumsy misstep on one of the clouds in heaven. Ruka couldn't blame Natsume for being so head-over-heels for her; nobody could. Ever since she'd come along, the whole Alice Academy seemed to have roused from its deep sleep, and come to a loud, roaring life. He wanted to hate her - he really did. But what with the sincerity practically _exuding_from her every pore, this was almost impossible.

Mikan Sakura was the one person who had managed to pull Natsume Hyuuga out of the darkness into the bright light, and nothing was going to change this fact. No, of course not. Ruka could do nothing to help Natsume except to ease his loneliness by stepping into the darkness with him; he didn't have the capabilities Mikan had, to drag Natsume out of the pitch-black world he had been born in. And this he resented her for. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to ignore or dislike the girl before him. She was far too kind, far too caring for him to ruthlessly plough on with what he wanted to do.

Natsume was _his _best friend; so why the hell was everyone acting like he barely existed when it came to Natsume, the moment Mikan came into the scene? Ruka ignored the bitter taste on the tip of his tongue and glanced at her. "Hey, Sakura-san," he greeted politely, gracing her with a small smile that he'd reluctantly allowed to spread across his lips.

"Have you seen Yuu? I'm desperate to find him!" wailed she, as she proceeded to burst into tears.

Ruka found that he was too stunned by this sudden display to reply. He waited for a couple of seconds to regain his composure, and patted her left shoulder kindly. "There, there," he said gently, "Don't cry. What're you looking for him for?"

"I've been looking all over campus for him! He has my homework assignment and he was supposed to bring it to me yesterday night when I was still down with the flu - but he didn't!" she wailed.

Ruka opened his mouth to say something - maybe to suggest that she would be better off asking the general office to help locate him; they did they have those identity cards with built in tracking devices, after all - when a rough, husky voice traveled to their ears.

"Ruka?"

Both Mikan and the said boy turned to a stoic-looking Natsume, who was standing at the end of the corridor. It was only a brief, barely noticeable hint on his expression that let Ruka know Natsume was curious as to what the two were doing. His eyes lingered on Ruka's hand, that was still placed on Mikan's shoulder, and he jerked it back, as though the touch was stinging him. And it was. Though it was not burning his hand, it was jolting his chest, and something within his ribcage stirred.

Ruka never liked the way Natsume looked at him like he was a love rival - and he never liked the way he narrowed his eyes whenever anyone of the opposite gender touched Mikan in any way. In fact, he'd rather wish that Natsume was jealous of Mikan, and not of him. However, as cruel as reality was, the fact remained that the reverse was the truth.

"Sakura-san was feeling down because she couldn't find Yuu. He has her homework assignment," he said, as his best friend approached them, somehow feeling the need to explain matters to him, even though he knew that he was in no way obligated to.

Natsume nodded in acknowledgment, and turned to the girl in question, who was still sniffling. "You crybaby," he started, despite the lack of bite in his tone, "Tobita is in the Latent Ability class, helping out with his committee."

Immediately, the flow of tears stopped and she looked up at him in delight. "Really? Thank you, Natsume!" she exclaimed, saluting him before dashing off, almost tripping over her own feet in her haste.

"What committee?" Ruka asked interestedly, watching the bubbly girl run towards the building.

"Oh, you know," he shrugged, "The Alice festival is coming up. Their class has to put up _something_."

A thick lump formed in his throat as Ruka detected the faint tinge of regret in his voice as he said it, and for a moment neither of them spoke. After a few seconds, the silence was getting too suffocating for him to bear, and he found that he had to reply. "Do you know what they're going to do?"

Natsume smirked, "You'd think they'd keep it a secret to surprise everyone. Not that it'd be of any surprise though - it's a haunted house again."

Same as two years ago, Ruka mused. Last year, the Latent Ability class had tried to set up a game involving a darkened, eerie maze - people who managed to find the exit before getting the wits scared out of them or wetting their pants would be deemed as the winners, and a winner could pick any of the prizes that were offered. This sounded incredibly attractive to many of the Alice Academy students and almost everyone tried their luck.

Unfortunately, the committee had done _too_ good of a job. Having earned the experience from the previous year's haunted house set-up, the members working on this put in even greater effort, and the sudden, frightening apparitions along with the terrible screeching sound effects, combined with the underground setting to terrify almost everyone who attempted the game. Only five people had managed to successfully get through the maze, out of their sheer level-headed attitudes.

The maze had been arguably complicated, and several times he and Natsume had bumped into a dead end. He wasn't going to lie; many of the scary happenings freaked the heebie-jeebies out of him. Somehow, though, having the calm and stoic Natsume next to him managed to soothe his nerves every time he felt the goose bumps rise across his skin. Eventually they made it out of there safely, and Ruka had heaved a sigh of relief while Natsume went to look at the prizes on offer.

"It was pretty popular, though. Won't blame them for making it again this year," Ruka grinned, thinking of the scary old woman who'd demanded of them to 'please carry me across' in the haunted house. Then, his smile vanished as he recalled pushing down the false wall to see Mikan on top of Natsume like that. Sure, now he knew that it was a scene that was easily misunderstood - they often got into compromising positions like that - but still, Ruka couldn't help but feel his heart sink down, all the way to his toes as he tried hard to wipe the memory out of his mind.

"Yeah," he agreed, "We can go there again if you want."

Ruka felt his face light up as the corners of his mouth lifted to form a bright smile. As obsessive over Mikan as he was, Natsume would still never forget that Ruka was his first and foremost friend, and one and only best friend.

_At __least,_a pessimistic little-Ruka at the back of his head spoke up, _hopefully __not._

"Thanks."

:-:-:

Ruka's feelings towards the crimson-eyed boy weren't entirely platonic. These feelings burned with passion, fueled by a fierce sense of loyalty and blazing protectiveness, and _had_ started off entirely platonic. He wanted to protect Natsume, to keep him away from the darkness he was trapped in. It overpowered the both of them, and he found himself helpless; all he could do, it seemed, was to jump into the lava pit along with Natsume, and drown with him.

At least this way, he had company. Ruka hadn't thought there was any other way to share his best friend's pain and relieve some of it by carrying a bit of the burden himself. That was before Mikan came along and changed everything. She not only brightened up the dark cage Natsume was locked in - she even unlocked the cage and pulled him out of his internal prison. The responsibilities and heaviness that were shackled to him, which weighed down on his chest, weren't merely shared by another person anymore. Bits of those were actually removed, and dissipated into nothingness, into the bright contagious light she'd brought into his life.

And this made Ruka jealous. He was jealous of how she'd managed to do this much all by herself, and he was envious of how crazy Natsume was for her.

He liked to close his eyes and pretend, to think that the reason his best friend had hit Mikan's head with the blackboard duster during that final scene in the _Sleeping_ _Beauty_ play two years ago was because he didn't want Mikan to sully his lips, because he was jealous of Mikan and possessive of Ruka. He wanted to ignore all the evidence laid out that it really was that he was jealous of Ruka and possessive of Mikan.

_Yet, __he __couldn't._

He wasn't quite sure when these...not-so-platonic feelings for Natsume had first arisen. He preferred not to label these emotions that were increasingly spiraling out of control, choosing to think of them as irregularities that would soon vanish.

Ruka _had_ to ignore these thoughts, to ensure their friendship was kept intact, and in order not to jeopardize it. It was his way of protecting himself.

In spite all of his efforts to suppress them from surfacing, somewhere inside of him, his heart wouldn't let him. His heart clenched painfully every time he saw Natsume subtly flirting with Mikan, or gazing at her in that special way only she would have the honor of. This was getting ridiculously out of hand, and he only wished that he could've nipped this in the bud, if he had known this would happen. Killed off the bothersome emotions before they could become uncontrollable.

He watched from a short distance as Natsume dumped his chocolate croissant on Mikan's tray, acting thoroughly unconcerned. When Mikan's face lit up and she started chattering to him, undoubtedly about something along the lines of how nice he was, Natsume's inscrutable eyes softened and he looked vaguely embarrassed. Ruka's heart sank, the wider Mikan's grin grew, and the longer Natsume's smile stayed on his face.

A soft, clear voice shook him out of his reverie. "Nogi, what are you doing?"

He turned to see Hotaru studying him, her normally unreadable amethyst eyes revealing a slight hint of curiosity. She was carefully holding onto a black tray stacked with food of three-star quality, her posture indicating that she had probably been on her way to joining their group of friends at the table before she'd caught sight of him. Ruka started, only just realizing that he had been rooted to the spot, clutching a tray which only had an apple and a bottle of mineral water placed on it.

"Er - nothing. I was just going on my way..." he mumbled, embarrassed, and cast his eyes down upon his shoes.

She didn't respond, instead choosing to follow with her eyes in the direction of where he'd been gazing. "Looked like you were staring at someone," she said bluntly.

Hotaru pretended not to notice the way Ruka had flinched slightly at the statement. She let it drop, though, much to his relief. Sighing inaudibly, she nodded at the table, "Are you going to sit with us today?"

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked, baffled by her question. "I always sit with you guys."

"Why _would_ you?" she countered, "You don't look like you particularly want to."

The blonde-haired boy winced. Why was she always so perceptive?

"You're right," he admitted, "Maybe I wasn't planning to."

"You look horribly lovesick."

"How would you know?" he snapped, after regaining his voice from his moment of speechlessness, "As if you've ever fallen in love."

He was being somewhat rude, he knew. Yet, he couldn't help it - when it came to Natsume, his emotions had always gotten the better of him.

"Haven't I?" came her retort, and Ruka instantly regretted what he'd said.

"Have...have you?" he asked hesitantly, his anxious blue eyes probing her inscrutable ones.

They gave away nothing. "Does it matter to you?"

Yes. Yes, it did. If she had, it meant that she could understand what he was going through now. If she had, he would have to apologize for his thoughtless statement. He chose to shrug, reluctant to give a definitive answer.

Ditching the tray on the nearest table, Ruka snatched up the apple and bottle of water. "I'll see you around," he said hastily, not wishing to hang around and continue this increasingly uncomfortable conversation with her.

"At least eat something more substantial than an apple," she said, rolling her eyes and tossing a turkey sandwich into his arms. "You'll look like an ugly stick if you keep it up."

Ruka looked at her confusedly.

"Not all that many people have noticed that you haven't exactly been eating much these days, but _I_ have," Hotaru said pointedly.

He let a small smile grace his lips. "Thanks, Imai."

"Shoo," she said, waving her hand at him dismissively, but her eyes revealed a small twinkle.

He knew he should have had his mind occupied with Hotaru's almost-smile; those were truly rare, and hardly ever displayed. At that moment all Ruka could think of, however, was that _Natsume_ _knew,_ _too_.

As he slipped out of the cafeteria, carefully avoiding his friends' field of vision, all that was running through his head was memories of how Natsume had kept chiding him to eat more, that he wasn't eating enough, and that he needed to keep his energy up.

He ducked his head as an uncontrollable grin spread across his face.

:-:-:

**_Ruka __Nogi __at __age __eight_**

"Onii-chan, I want to walk around," Aoi Hyuuga whined, tugging at the said boy's black sleeve. "Walk with me."

He cast an annoyed look at his sister, and Ruka couldn't help but admire that despite all the complaining he did of his sibling, the touch of affection for her was always present in his expression whenever he looked at her. Even when he was angry at her.

"I told you I'm busy. We can take a walk later," he said exasperatedly, flipping over the page of the Math worksheet in his hand.

He was, in fact, merely helping Ruka to look over his work. He'd known from a while ago that the blonde took great pride in his work and felt that grades were important, so Natsume figured the least he could do was to help his best friend out.

Ruka decided that his best friend had helped him enough, at least for that day, and nudged him in the arm.

"What?" He hadn't looked up, still scribbling numbers on random bits of paper.

"Thanks, Natsume. I think I can review the rest of the answers myself," Ruka said, wondering if he was going about it the right way. His misgivings disappeared when Aoi shot him an utterly grateful smile. "You should go take a walk with Aoi."

"Yay!" The red-eyed girl cheered, throwing her arms up in delight, "Ruka, you're the best! See, onii-chan? Even Ruka says you should come with me!" She spoke with such an air of triumph that even Natsume had to crack a smile.

"Alright, alright. No need to get so excited, Buriko."

Aoi scowled at the nickname but quickly got over it as her older brother stood up from the desk he'd been sitting at.

"Want to come with us?" Natsume offered, looking straight into Ruka's eyes.

As much as he wanted to, he feared that he would intrude upon much-treasured sibling quality time. So Ruka shook his head and rejected the invitation. "Thanks, but I should stay here and finish up. You two have fun," he grinned.

Natsume reached out and ruffled Ruka's hair in an affectionate gesture and smiled a soft, gentle smile. "Sure. Catch you later."

And Ruka's heart skipped a beat.

:-:-:

_**Ruka Nogi at age thirteen**_

The Alice Festival was nearing, and his Somatic ability class had decided to use the snack bar idea again. As usual, he had no say in what he had to wear. Once again, he was forced into an embarrassing pair of rabbit ears by a couple of his female seniors, who gushed over how 'pretty' he looked. Ruka looked around the room - everybody was trying on their costumes and fitting on accessories; some of the girls were wearing hair bands with animal ears as well, but to Ruka's dismay, _all_ of the other boys were wearing different colored chokers.

Why didn't they have to wear animal ears, too? This wasn't even the Alice in Wonderland theme!

It was completely unfair. He was just as manly (or boyish) as they were!

Or rather, as manly as his pheromones allowed him to be whenever he was around animals. Recently though, Ruka had been getting better at controlling his behavior around animals. He no longer went sparkly eyed around them, or spouted things such as 'My dearest!' to the animals' slight disappointment. They soon got over it, though, and resumed their fawning over him.

He offered a vague smile to a pretty red-haired girl who told him that he looked really cute in the rabbit ears, and glumly lifted his server uniform off the blue table he was standing in front of. At least this year, he told himself, he was going to look a little more mature with the long pants.

"Say cheese," a monotone but clear voice sounded behind him, and Ruka whipped around in his surprise.

He cursed aloud as a flash went off and Hotaru Imai, smugly clutching her beloved camera to her chest, dashed out of the classroom, undoubtedly to go take pictures of other people.

"Imai!" Ruka growled as he glared at the spot where the amethyst-eyed girl had just been. He didn't know why he bothered to say her name. It wasn't like she could hear him anyway. He threw the uniform in his arms back onto the table vehemently.

"You can't blame her, Ruka-kun; a lot of people would gladly buy a photo of you looking like that," came a giggle - it was Sumire Shouda, looking at him like she would've loved to gobble him up. Her green, glossy curls shone under the bright lighting of the room, and Ruka found that he was unable to do anything but smile weakly back at her.

She beamed, positively glowing that the blonde-haired boy had responded to her. Just as he was about to make up an excuse to get away, a tanned, black-haired boy showed up in their doorway. Natsume looked at them, his expression unreadable as always, with his arms folded tightly across his chest.

"You done already, Ruka? The people in the school hall are looking for you."

He was never more grateful to his best friend for showing up when he did, and he made haste to go to his side, bidding Sumire a quick farewell. It didn't look like she'd even noticed; she was too busy staring, open-mouthed, at Natsume's handsome face.

"Yeah, I'm done. Why are they looking for me?"

They started into a leisurely stroll down the long stretch of corridor. Ruka hoped that this moment, this peace and tranquility they held between them as they walked would last forever. That he could somehow freeze time and make it stay there forever.

Natsume shrugged, and broke the comfortable silence hanging above them with two words, "No idea."

"Huh," Ruka said, eying his best friend suspiciously. He was probably just too lazy to say what he knew.

"Well, not _much_ of an idea," Natsume amended, "All I knew was that the doors to the hall were locked and it was really noisy, like some huge rampage was going on. Some senior pushed open one of the door, ran right into me and asked me to please go get you."

_Rampage_ sounded bad. _Huge_rampage sounded terrible. Ruka tried not to dwell too much on it, and assumed it was likely to be an angry animal on the loose. Maybe it was the large grizzly he came across in the Northern Forest the other day.

"She mentioned something about a giant chick."

He froze, ice flooding through his veins. Tori was his absolute soft spot - around all the animals he was embarrassingly cheerful, but with the giant chick he truly could not keep his emotions in check. "Oh, no," he murmured. This day was just getting worse by the minute.

Natsume glanced at him, concerned, but as they were approaching the locked-up hall, he didn't have a chance to question him. Ruka sighed and advanced forward, to the doom of his manliness, when Natsume's hand landed on his shoulder. Azure blue eyes stared right back into blazing crimson ones.

"Er...yeah?"

"You...you might want to take that off," Natsume gestured to his own head, appearing to be struggling with the words, as he peered above Ruka's head. "Wouldn't want people to tease you even more."

"Huh?" He looked confusedly at Natsume, wondering what he was talking about - he didn't seem to make sense at all.

Impatiently, the slightly taller boy lifted a hand and lightly brushed a couple of fingers across a long, floppy rabbit ear. Ruka felt the burning heat racing up from the base of his neck to his ears, and stood frozen to the ground.

"These," he said, "these rabbit ears."

"O-oh." Ruka said awkwardly, taking a step backward to try to yank the headband off, "Right, thanks."

Natsume watched as he attempted to rip them off with unnecessary force but failing to do so, and hiding a smile, he moved closer and swatted Ruka's hands off. "Relax," he drawled, "you'd think they offended you."

"It's just so embarrassing," Ruka moaned, releasing his hands on the headband so that Natsume could help him. "I can't believe they're still making me put it on, even though I'm already thirteen."

In one fluid motion, the red-eyed teen pulled it off Ruka's head. He was instantly jealous of how effortless it'd seemed from the way Natsume managed it.

"Thanks," he muttered, taking it from Natsume and letting his arm hang limply by his side.

"Oh, I don't know. It didn't look all that bad, to be honest," Natsume said amusedly, one side of his mouth tilted up to form a lopsided smile.

The lopsided smile that had first made its appearance when Mikan first met them in the Alice Festival - Ruka had looked at it, and wished that it was for him.

He rolled his eyes. "Thanks a lot."

"Really. It almost looks..." Natsume hesitated, searching for the right word, and then having found on it, gave the rabbit ear hanging by Ruka's side one more tug, "endearing."

Ruka was unable to say anything as he watched Natsume wave slightly at him before striding off, feeling the pulse under his skin race erratically. These feelings definitely weren't normal.

:-:-:

_**Ruka **__**Nogi **__**at **__**age **__**nine**_

He was sitting on the doorsteps, feeling extremely wary of his dark surroundings and a little anxious about having to keep a lookout on things. For the first time in Ruka Nogi's life, he was experiencing the sense of mistrust and adult conspiracy stifling the air in the Alice Academy, and it was all he could to fight down the urge to fidget about in his spot.

The last thing Natsume and Ruka needed was for someone to spot movement in the darkness of the night and report the suspicious scene to any of the staff. It seemed like forever had passed in the few minutes that had ticked by, the longer Ruka had to sit there, stationary and unmoving. He was about to freeze into a human popsicle in the icy night when he heard a soft _click._ Ruka turned around, and there Natsume was, looking down at him, concern etched on his face. Relief soothed his tense shoulders, and they started to relax.

"You're done?" His voice sounded rough, a result of his parched throat. He was desperate for some water, and some warmth.

"Yeah. Let's go."

His best friend looked furtively around the area, scanning it suspiciously with his eyes before yanking Ruka to his feet and dragging him into the nearby Northern Forest. They'd have to take a detour back to their dormitory, to avoid being sighted.

Their panting filled what would otherwise be complete silence in the stagnant air of the forest, and Ruka leaned back against a nearby tree, trying to catch his breath from the sprint they'd both taken earlier. The run had removed some of the cold from him, but he was still mostly freezing. Ruka brought both his hands up to rub against his arms, hoping to spread warmth to them.

To his surprise, five small fireballs suddenly appeared around him, emanating enough heat to conduct through the air to him. He glanced up, and sure enough, Natsume was conjuring another one. He knew he should have been thankful for this; the fact that Natsume was always looking after him made him feel cared after and grateful. Yet, he feared the usage of his Alice - they'd found out he had the fourth-type Alice just a few days ago, and Ruka had been worried sick about it.

"Stop," he spoke, "Natsume, don't. Put these out. Please."

The other boy looked at him, a perplexed expression on his face. But upon seeing the pleading look on Ruka's face, he reluctantly let the flames burning next to Ruka fall in the night and disappear into the darkness.

"I-I'd rather you not use your Alice more than is necessary," Ruka said, eyes cast downwards.

Natsume raised an eyebrow, "Is this because of that Alice types lesson we had last week? Because I don't care. It's not like-"

Ruka's eyes snapped open, and he grasped his best friend by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Your _lifespan_, Natsume! It's draining your real lifespan, not your Alice lifespan!"

And Natsume's penetrating gaze pierced through Ruka's blue eyes, dead and unmoved. "I know that, Ruka."

In that very moment, Ruka cursed Persona, the Elementary School Principal and all other authoritative figures in the academy who were against the two of them. He hated them, really _despised_ them, and just wished that they'd drop dead. If only it was possible for them to get mauled to death by a bear or a lion. As he looked hopelessly into the red abyss of Natsume's eyes, he realized, for the first time, that maybe Natsume wasn't all that infallible.

He looked haggard - there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept properly in days, even though they'd just entered the academy five months ago. The burden of the new, tough regime he was now forced to undergo was taking its toll on his mental and physical health, and it was showing. And Ruka thought, maybe Natsume really was tired this time. Maybe he was thoroughly worn-out from all the heavy responsibilities he had to carry on his nine-year-old shoulders all the time. Maybe he just wanted to give up.

He couldn't have blamed him.

His breathing had turned harsh and shallow. Ruka stepped away from the darker-haired one and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "What did you find out?"

Natsume looked down and swallowed hard, twisting the fabric of his shirt tightly in his hands. Ruka was relieved to find that his tone had returned to normal. "Nothing much, just that they had classified documents on all the students in the academy. Information on the graduated students are up-to-date, in a separate cabinet."

Ruka stiffened. "What classified documents?"

"It's a real invasion of our privacy," Natsume grinned blandly, with no real humor, "with all the personal details and everything. Like, 'Shiro- dated Kagura for five months and three days'. Never knew they were such stalkers."

"Doesn't that mean -" Ruka paused, unwilling to voice out his mortified thoughts.

Natsume continued it for him, "'Natsume Hyuuga - took the rap for burning down his village, real culprit Aoi Hyuuga.' I found another status document, which confirms that Aoi is somewhere in here."

He blanched, and took another step towards Natsume. "Natsume-"

Finally, he looked up from a tree branch on the ground that had been fixing his gaze upon. His low, rough voice cracked slightly when he spoke. "I want to save her. I can't let her waste her life away, sitting in some prison and not being able to enjoy life like she should."

It was Aoi's friendly, easy-going smile that Ruka thought of when he replied, with a heavy heart, "I know."

Natsume slumped down to the ground, face buried in his hands. Ruka felt absolutely awful as he squatted down beside him. It all boiled down to the fact that they were best friends, friends who could really understand each other and cared about each other, that made Ruka's heart feel like it was being wrenched apart, as he watched Natsume become a wreck before his very eyes.

"Natsume," he whispered, terrified that he might upset this fragile balance that was his best friend, "I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. We - we'll definitely be able to get Aoi out of here one day."

_One_ _day_ - and just when would that one day arrive? Natsume seemed to be thinking the same question, but yet he said nothing of the sort as he fell backwards to settle his butt on the ground, shifting himself into a sitting position. The next thing Ruka knew, Natsume had lunged forward and thrown his arms around his back, pushing him into a hard, uncomfortable and awkward embrace. His heart started to palpitate and his stomach began to perform cartwheels. Every body part that Natsume's touch came in contact with burned with searing heat.

Arms were sticking out at awkward angles and at some parts he was digging into Ruka's sides, but he was Natsume and Natsume was warm.

In this cold weather, Ruka complained not of how Natsume's elbow was pressing into one of his sides, or how his knee was pinning down one of his legs so that he could not move it, and instead wrapped his arms around Natsume's back, to try to accommodate to this sudden embrace. He didn't seem to be very at ease with hugging; the way he was clutching at Ruka made it evident that he hardly hugged people. Already he was starting to feel warm, though, and that was what mattered. He felt warm inside out.

"Thanks, Ruka," he heard him mutter in his ear, and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly.

"Don't mention it. What the hell are friends for?"

True to his Fire Alice, Natsume was a human heater. Even in the cold, where every bit of Ruka's exposed skin had goose bumps rising all over it, Natsume was still perfectly warm and free of goose bumps. Ruka closed his eyes and tried to command his heart to stop racing like a driving maniac. He just hoped that Natsume didn't notice. His toes curled, and when the other adjusted his arm to fit better around his back, Ruka felt like his world had just awoken.

:-:-:

_**Ruka Nogi at age thirteen**_

The air was stiflingly cold, and unbearable to be sitting around in. Ruka just wished for Koko to hurry up and finish checking out his side of the school garden and meet him back here, at the stone bench. All he wanted to do was to go back to his dormitory and bury himself under sixty quilts. He folded his arms impatiently and glanced down at the crumpled piece of paper he was holding in his hand, scribbled all over with notes on what he was to type out in their write-up.

The project was pretty boring; Narumi had requested them to do a write-up on the one place in the Alice Academy they felt was significant to them, and explain why it was so. The pairings were determined through the random picking of names out from a blue cardboard box that was always sitting on the teacher's table, and so Ruka was paired with Koko.

Cherry blossom petals fluttered past him in a pretty sight, as the blonde haired boy sat on the stone bench, motionless. Even in the early afternoon, the sun was hidden by the almost opaque clouds flecking the powder blue skies. The lively, whirling breeze spun by him, emphasizing on its coldness by making Ruka shiver, even through the coat he had on.

And the cold diminished as heat came, travelling through the air and washing over him, in the form of an unperturbed Natsume. Despite the low temperature, he still managed to hold out with just their winter uniform, not bothering to put on a coat. Ruka sat up in pleased surprise, looking up at him.

"Hey," Natsume said, plopping down on the spot beside him.

Immediately, Ruka felt indescribable warmth engulf his entire self. Not overbearing heat - just the sort of pleasant warmth that made him feel like he was curled up at the brightly-lit fireplace in his home, reading a thick novel, on a cold day.

"Hey," he responded.

They lapsed into silence, and he found that he was, in fact, rather content with this kind of silence. They stayed like that for a long moment, not saying anything and just sitting beside each other. A glance in Natsume's direction told Ruka that he was in deep thought - his crimson eyes had a sort of focused look in them, as he stared into the blank space ahead of him.

Soon after, though, Koko showed up and grinned at Ruka. "I'm done!" he announced, waving a few sheets of foolscap paper in the blue-eyed boy's face, "We can go now."

Natsume eyed the papers he had in his hands with a certain level of inquisitiveness and asked, "Is this about the project?"

"Yeah," Ruka sighed, standing up from the bench. "We thought that it'd be better to get it done and over with."

"Who're you paired up with?" Koko inquired of Natsume, arranging his papers neatly and getting ready to leave.

"Polka," he said simply, and gave them a short wave.

Ruka ignored the jolt he felt when they walked away from him. He tried hard not to think about the pain that resided in his pounding heart, when they'd gotten a short distance away, and Mikan appeared, sitting down next to Natsume. He told himself not to look back, to concentrate on what Koko was saying about the trees in their garden and how to work it in their write-up.

He did it anyway, and his stomach sank when he saw Natsume brushing away a petal that had landed on Mikan's shoulder.

Ruka turned back to see Koko's puzzled brown eyes gazing at him. "What?" he said defensively.

"Nothing," he said, seemingly to have decided not to comment on Ruka's lack of attention, "I was just saying that I thought maybe we could say that the trees provide really good shade for a lot of the students."

"Er - right."

He did his best to offer his insights and opinions on things as they walked back to his dormitory; they'd earlier agreed on getting the write-up done in Ruka's room. He had a computer in there, along with a printer, which made it easy for the essay to be typed up.

"Y'know," Koko said casually, as they started on the first paragraph of their essay, "I reckon Natsume wouldn't mind all that much if you told him that you want to spend more time with him."

Ruka's head snapped up from the keyboard and he stared at the mind-reader. "What?"

"Sorry," he grimaced, holding two hands up in a form of an apologetic gesture, "it's just that your thoughts were too loud not to be overheard."

"Y-you don't understand," Ruka said. He was utterly horrified that Koko had discovered his innermost thoughts.

"I can empathize. Before Kitsuneme got a girlfriend, I was always hanging out with him. But now..." Koko shrugged, indicating that he'd gotten over it. "But it was really difficult at the beginning, I'll give you that."

Ruka had to admit, he'd never thought of it in that way. Kitsuneme and Koko were buddies who were so tight they were practically inseparable. Over the past year, though, he'd noticed that Koko was starting to walk around the academy alone, without his constant companion by his side. Nobody really mentioned anything about it, though. Until now.

Yet, it wasn't just jealousy that his best friend was spending all his time with a girl that he was obsessed with. It was more than platonic jealousy - he was sure of that. And he wasn't sure if he'd prefer this to platonic jealousy.

"It's not entirely like that," he said softly, closing his eyes. "And don't read my mind," he added sharply.

But it was too late. Koko was gawking at him, apparently stunned by this new piece of information. "You-" He barely got to start his sentence when Ruka cut him off.

"Don't tell anyone, or I'll send a couple of dogs down to tear you to pieces," he said, the warning tone obvious in his voice.

"Don't worry. It's not my secret to tell," Koko said. "I won't tell anyone. Promise."

The sincere tone of his voice made Ruka nod and turn back to the computer. When Koko promised something, he would stick to that promise, so Ruka trusted him. "Let's just get back to work. I still want to take a nap after this," he sighed, voice laced with exhaustion.

Koko nodded numbly. Ruka wondered a lot of things as he looked at the sandy-haired kid, the ever-present goofy smile absent from his face, which was donning a serious expression.

"Sure," he agreed, forcing a quick smile on his face.

Ruka almost thought he saw something like sadness and understanding in those brown eyes.

:-:-:

**Author****'****s ****Note: ****Well, ****how ****was ****it? ****:D Feel free to press that wonderful review button any time!**


	2. Burning Hearts

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice._

:-:-:

** EPISODE TWO: BURNING HEARTS**

**_Ruka Nogi at age thirteen_**

The Alice Academy was buzzing with life - the corridors and all empty spaces on the school grounds were teeming with loud, noisy students. Almost everyone was in a good mood. Even Hotaru seemed pleased, and had allowed Mikan to drag her to places after she'd finished her shift at the Technical Ability attraction booth. Several members of the Dangerous Ability class seemed delighted as well, reveling in the festive season.

_Almost_ everyone; Natsume and Ruka most certainly weren't. Ruka felt sore about the play that he was going to have to act in later. Natsume was sullen, secretly envious of the other people in the other ability classes for being able to partake in the setting up of booths.

The Sleeping Beauty play they'd put up two years ago was rather a disaster, what with the sudden improvisation of Mikan having to kiss Ruka on the lips. Thankfully, though, it didn't actually happen. He'd spent the rest of the night cursing Narumi for requesting that they actually kiss in front of the enraptured audience. In fact, he had actually hoped the ditzy teacher would not be helping out in the future plays. As it was, Narumi was still in-charge of this year's play, and had suggested that they do a skit of Romeo and Juliet.

He'd read some of the scenes from the book just to understand the gist of the romance, and to his surprise, he found that he liked it. Though, he really wasn't looking forward to play the role of Juliet. Begging his friends not to come and watch definitely wasn't going to work, so he resigned himself to his fate, to suck it up and wear the stupid wig.

Having breakfast in the dining hall with a bunch of other enthusiasts who desperately wanted to watch him in action didn't help, either. Koko, Kitsuneme, Mochu and even Yuu had been teasing him about it, and asking eagerly if there was going to be a balcony scene.

He sat at the foot of the giant Sakura tree, right next to where Natsume was sitting, head tilted back with the opened pages of his manga book lying on his face. Beneath the manga, Natsume was dozing off, mostly from the boredom of having nothing to do. They'd both agreed to go around the Alice Festival in the early afternoon, when the morning excitement had died down a little.

And so Ruka sighed, wondering if there was going to be anything else to do other than sit under a tree with Natsume and watch the cherry blossom petals fall in front of him.

"You bored?" Natsume's rough voice suddenly spoke up, making him jump a little.

Since when was he awake?

"Kind of."

He mindlessly plucked out a blade of grass and played with it between his long, slender fingers. He didn't add that the sigh was also because he was dreading the play that he was going to have to act in later on.

"You can go hang out with Koko, y'know. You don't have to stay here just 'cause I'm here," Natsume said, referring to the mind-reader's offer to walk around the campus together to check out the booths in the morning, since he didn't really have anyone to go around with. Ruka had politely rejected him to follow Natsume to the Sakura tree.

He hadn't really done anything since then, other than spacing out for two full hours. Ruka didn't regret it, though, because any amount of time spent with Natsume was always worth it. His best friend was just that important to him.

"Nah, I'm cool."

Natsume lay down on the grass patch, causing the manga to slide off his face and onto the ground. He ignored it and rolled over so that he was looking right up at Ruka, and smiled.

Ruka's breath caught as he gazed at the soft, tender curve formed on the other teen's lips. The sight robbed him of his ability to speak, and for a while all he could do was stare. Stare at the way that soft, fine raven hair spilled out behind his head onto the ground. Stare at the smooth, tanned complexion that wrapped tightly around Natsume's defined jaw line. Blood was rushing to his head and he suddenly really, really wanted to know what Natsume's lips tasted like.

That was when Natsume said, "Thanks."

He had a feeling that the word contained a greater meaning behind it than just a simple thank-you. Ruka's heart did a somersault, a cartwheel, and a deep dive. He could feel his cheeks burning with heat.

He started to say something - to say anything - when a bubbly brunette popped up. His face instantly fell, and he worked hard to make sure it wasn't too obvious. Thankfully, though, she wasn't looking at him - Mikan was staring curiously at the manga that was lying on the ground beside Natsume.

The second Ruka glanced down, he saw the way Natsume's expression had changed - his facial features had instantly relaxed, and his permanently furrowed brows actually slackened a little. And those eyes - the red eyes that often displayed nothing but coldness except for when they landed on Ruka, was filled with admiration, respect - that were in his eyes whenever he looked at Ruka - and something else that the blue-eyed boy couldn't quite pinpoint. It was a similar emotion to what he'd seen in Hotaru's eyes yesterday, in the dining hall.

What exactly was it? Ruka pondered on the matter for a while, and then decided that he really didn't want to know. Something at the pit of his stomach was already starting to bubble viciously; Ruka knew exactly what was brewing - jealousy.

"Hey, Natsume! Hey, Ruka-pyon!" Mikan waved brightly at them, her golden-brown eyes lit up at the sight of her two friends.

He'd felt it far too many times not to be able to recognize it, and he did his very best to push the painful feeling aside as he waved back at Mikan. Ruka had to swallow hard, when he looked at how Natsume was _staring_ at Mikan. As if the sun shone out of her every single pore. And it probably did, Ruka thought bitterly.

"Hey, Sakura-san," he smiled, albeit forcefully.

It was a good thing that she was being distracted by Natsume's manga, which was why the perceptive she did not notice.

"Polka," his best friend greeted, his voice cold but his eyes warm.

Ruka wondered if he should've accepted Koko's invitation, after all.

"Hey, Natsume, what's this manga about? It looks pretty interesting!" she said, waving the said article in her hand.

He watched as Natsume answered her question lazily, limbs splayed out, with his back to the ground. He could barely hold himself back from reaching out to close his hands around her slender neck.

'Back off!' he wanted to snap, but couldn't because she was too nice to deserve such harsh treatment. Thus, Ruka deemed it wise to remove himself from the premises before he said anything overly horrible to Mikan which would hurt her feelings.

"Well," he said, standing up and brushing the bits of dirt and grass stuck to his pants, "I'd better go. Natsume, I'll meet you by the haunted mansion at twelve."

Natsume looked up, startled, about to tell him that he should stay, but Ruka had made up his mind. He nodded at the oblivious brunette and winked.

The bitter taste on his tongue was far too overwhelming and Ruka almost could not bear to see the gratitude in Natsume's eyes for letting him be alone with the girl whom he liked. Mikan was telling him that they could have fun together, but he smiled vaguely at her before brushing off her suggestion. He bid them a quick farewell and was on his way.

_He was there first._

When they were finally out of his earshot and vision, he heaved a sigh of relief. Now, where was Koko?

:-:-:

**_ Ruka Nogi at age ten_**

He had just been about to go to bed, praying that all had gone well for Natsume's mission, when a casual glance out the window informed him that there was a human figure darting about on the treetops, jumping from one treetop to another.

His heart lurched. The silhouette was too far away, but he guessed immediately that it was Natsume. Or at least, he hoped. Suddenly, the shadowy figure fell from the treetop nearest to the dormitory building, and from his room Ruka could briefly make out the outline of a hand reach up to clasp the person's side. The ever-distinguishable mask fell off his face, and under the dim moonlight, Ruka could see that it was a cat mask - and the only person in the whole of the Alice Academy who had a cat mask was Natsume.

Horrorstruck, he swiftly pulled on a pair of sneakers and dashed out of his room, only pausing long enough to remember to slam his door shut. Judging from the way he'd clutched at his arm, Natsume was likely to be injured.

And he was probably going to refuse to go to the hospital again, Ruka thought grimly, as he raced down the hallway. It was a good thing that he always restocked on his first-aid supplies whenever he dropped by Central Town, just in case Natsume got hurt. He was so _fearful_. Natsume was practically his only friend - he hardly hung out with anyone else but him, and saw no reason why he shouldn't. Any pain that Natsume felt, he felt it, too.

His stomach dropped down a deep, dark abyss as he ran for the Sakura tree. The person leaning against the tree trunk was most certainly Natsume. Loud hacking coughs punctured the otherwise quiet surroundings, and he hurried forward to check on his friend's condition.

Upon nearing him, he saw that the wound was worse than he'd expected. Natsume's left sleeve was soaked with blood, and his fingers were stained with it, from clutching at it. His legs wobbled unsteadily as he moved them, to lean more heavily against the trunk for support.

The black-haired boy looked up cautiously, recognition registering in his guarded eyes when he saw it was Ruka. "Hey," was all he could muster before his legs gave way and he crumpled to the muddy ground, his back sliding down the trunk.

"Natsume!"

The incessant sounds of the crickets rose in volume along with his ragged breathing as he bent over Natsume, whose breathing was harsh and shallow.

It sapped almost all of his energy, lugging Natsume back to his room. Throughout the whole journey Natsume had been muttering, rather subconsciously, about how he refused to go to the school hospital. Ruka did his best to soothe the agitated boy, and reiterated the point that he wasn't going to bring him there many times. The way Natsume's head merely lolled onto his shoulder in response gave no indication that he was even aware of what Ruka was saying, and eventually the blond gave up on trying to communicate with him. Instead, he spent all his effort on successfully getting him into his room and allowed him to flop onto his three-star bed.

Ruka had always hated the fact that he was a three-star - he definitely hadn't earned those stars. In fact, he always felt like a cheating piece of shit whenever Mikan went up to people to proudly flash her two stars, a product of her achievements and hard work. No need to tell anyone about it, though. It wasn't like saying it would have changed anything; the Academy certainly wasn't going to remove his stars and demote him to a one-star or a two-star, something which he truly should have been.

Right now, however, Ruka couldn't have felt more thankful that he was a three-star. This meant that he had more room and space - he doubted that he was going to let Natsume go back to his room tonight. If he bled to death in the middle of the night, Ruka would never forgive himself.

With much haste, he set the white, opaque toolbox on his night stand and undid the white clasp which kept the box closed. Pushing the lid back, he hurried to Natsume's side and gently pulled back the blood-soaked sleeve. He couldn't give two hoots about how this would leave bloodstains on his bed sheets.

He had never liked the sight of blood; looking at it just made him queasy. Nevertheless, he set to work extracting the bullet from Natsume's forearm and cleaning up the wound. For Natsume, he had to bear with it.

"Ruka?" Natsume's voice was faint, "Is – is that you?"

The black-haired boy opened his eyes a little to squint at the person hovering over him.

He swallowed hard, and pulled out the thick roll of bandages from the first aid kit. "Yeah. Don't talk, okay? You're going to be fine."

_You _have_ to be fine._

Natsume hissed as Ruka applied the disinfectant. His eyes slid shut, and he murmured into the darkness before he went unconscious, "I know."

:-:-:

**_Ruka Nogi at age thirteen_**

The entire corridor was swarming with students and all Ruka could see was a blur of people – everyone was moving far too quickly, and he wouldn't have been surprised if he missed Koko entirely. He was starting to wish that he hadn't turned down his friend's offer. At least, if he hadn't, he would have someone to walk around with him.

He was about to elbow past someone to get to the central staircase to make his escape, when someone tapped his left shoulder.

"Hey, Ruka! I thought you were going around with Natsume?" The ever-so-familiar smile was on Koko's face as he greeted the blond.

Ruka was never so relieved to see him; he thought he was going to suffocate in the stupid crowd. With an iron-like grip, he tugged at Koko's arm and forcefully dragged the surprised boy outside of the crowd. They ended up at the empty passageway beside the central staircase that led to the classrooms, and Ruka heaved a large sigh as he realized that it was rather isolated here; nobody was interested in going up to the classrooms. Why would they? There were attraction booths to go to.

"Thank god, I thought I was going to get trampled to death back there. Did you see the _horde _of people?" Ruka ran his fingers through his hair and turned around to see Koko.

Koko shrugged, "That's to be expected. It is the Alice Festival."

"So, uh, Koko, are you going around the place by yourself this morning?" Ruka asked, wincing inwardly at how awkwardly he'd posed the question.

The boy before him looked rather confused. "Yes…?"

For a moment, he wondered why he didn't tag along with one of their classmates. Then he decided it really didn't matter, and asked, "Can I still take you up on that offer to go around together?"

Koko blinked, and then the goofy smile returned to his face. "Yeah, definitely!"

Ruka almost felt bad that he was only his second option.

:-:-:

He munched at his soft ice-cream and glanced around. After participating in the Alice Festival for a few years, he was rapidly tiring of this event; it was nothing that great, really. Sure, the Technical Ability Class could put up a special show of their mechanical gadgets in the middle of the school when they normally couldn't do on a typical school day. The Latent Ability Class could create amazing things and perform cool feats that usually weren't displayed. But seeing all of these every single year tended to wear on his nerves. Ruka sighed to himself, and followed Koko's pointing finger to look up at the special rollercoaster the Technical Ability Class had made this year.

"Hey, want to go on that? I think Hotaru-chan made that!" he asked excitedly, turning to his blond haired companion.

"Oh, yeah, sure," he said, his heart lurching at the thought of getting on a rollercoaster Hotaru developed. A rollercoaster was designed to make one's stomach feel like dropping out – and Hotaru was probably going to succeed at that. She succeeded at anything that she really wanted to do, especially when it came to her Alice.

Maybe it was because of his Alice, maybe it was the way he gripped at his paper cup too tightly, maybe it was the way his brows kept furrowing as he looked at the attraction, maybe it was the way he looked so glum about it, but Koko seemed to notice that Ruka didn't seem too enthusiastic about getting on the ride. After watching him grab the ticket the ticket handler was passing him, he said carefully, "We don't have to go on this, if you don't want to."

Ruka started to say something back – he wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, or quite sure of what to make of Koko's considerate statement – but at that moment, a painful blow hit the back of his head and he nearly doubled over.

"_Ow!_"

If he had still been ten years old, there would have been no doubt that Ruka would've gone flying across the stadium. But he had gotten a lot stronger, and managed to hold his ground. Still, it hurt like hell and he had no intention of straightening up any time soon. Instead, Ruka chose to rub at his head, gritting his teeth to refrain from letting a long string of curse words escape his mouth.

Koko looked at him in concern, eyes wide.

"Oh, my bad," a clear voice he instantly recognized as Hotaru's spoke up. She didn't sound apologetic at all.

He whipped around, glaring at the Ice Queen of their school. "Imai! Just what was that for?" he snapped, not bothering to hide how pissed he was at her.

The Baka Gun in her left hand had a little smoke coming out of the end as she lowered it to look him in the eye. The horseshoe glove worn on her right hand seemed to gleam dangerously at him in the bright lighting, and Ruka cringed. This was a bad day. The amethyst-eyed girl inclined her head in Koko's direction and greeted him, "Morning, Koko."

"Hey, Hotaru-chan!" he said amicably, the usual grin back on his face, "The rollercoaster you built looks super cool!"

She paused, "Thanks, Koko."

Ruka looked at the Baka gun in her left hand resentfully. It was bad enough that he was constantly a victim of her blackmailing. Now she had to get all physical, too?

"Sorry, Nogi. I was trying to get a rowdy monkey that kept rampaging around and trying to damage our equipment. He's been running around so my aim missed. I think he's a new kid," she explained, her eyes scanning the arena, "or he wouldn't be so stupid as to try and offend the Technical Ability Class members. I'm planning to hand him into Jinno-sensei once I manage to get a hold of him."

Koko winced at her matter-of-fact explanation of how she was using violence to settle the matter. Of course, she was one of the most violent girls in their school, so it was hardly startling to hear it. Ruka felt his anger slip away as he listened to her explanation, and to his surprise, found out that he'd already simmered down.

Without warning, she lifted the upgraded Baka Gun in her left hand and shot away at someone in the distance.

_Baka! Baka!_

A loud crash and a yelp informed the two boys that she'd probably hit her target. They both turned around to see an eight year old boy wailing loudly, clutching his bum as he attempted to stand up. Immediately, two teenage boys dashed over to him and pinned him down, calling for someone to get one of the teachers over.

"That took care of him," she said monotonously. Hotaru unzipped her bag and stuffed her Baka Gun in it.

Nervously, Koko asked why she didn't keep her horseshoe glove as well.

All she offered him was a shrug and a vague "Just in case".

It reminded both of them not to get on her bad side, and Ruka laughed nervously as he watched her walk away.

"Later, you two," was what she said before she got out of earshot, "try not to puke on the rollercoaster ride – we're having enough trouble trying to clean up the mess a couple of others made."

"You know," Ruka said weakly as he looked back at Koko, "I don't quite think I'm in the mood to go on that ride anymore."

Koko agreed, "Me neither. Let's go somewhere else."

In the end, they headed for the Special Ability Class, figuring that they could try to give the RPG maze another go. Tsubasa greeted them merrily when they arrived, before directing them to the ticket number booth, where they were to get their number plate from. They changed themes every year – and this year was Thumbelina. The prizes were miniature handmade objects that made great ornaments, and Ruka could have sworn he saw Koko drool over some of the smaller figurines – the figurines that were made were based on all the members of the Special Ability Class and some other more prominent people in the Academy. Hell, Ruka even saw a figurine of himself.

"Hey, what're you getting if you manage to win?" Koko asked excitedly, taking the green number plate from the orange haired girl sitting behind the counter.

The answer was immediate: _the figurine of Natsume._

And as this thought ran through his head, Ruka flushed. _Don't be such an idiot,_ he reprimanded himself. He figured if that was what he was going to take, he had better get it without Koko or anyone else seeing him do so. It would be dead embarrassing if someone discovered this awful obsession he had for Natsume.

Outside, he shrugged nonchalantly and accepted his number plate. "We'll see if I win," was all he would answer.

The chance of him winning was extremely slim; his Alice didn't really help much with this RPG maze. Still, Ruka eyed the figurines that were placed on the prize table – there were only four of those figurines left, and Ruka suspected that they probably didn't have any more in stock. He looked sharply at Koko to see if he'd read his mind and realized what he was thinking, but Koko was playing with the number plate and acting like normal.

The blond haired boy turned away, wishing once more that he could flush out these horrible feelings. If he had squinted harder at Koko, he would have noticed the guilty expression that had spread over the latter's face, and seen the way he was biting his bottom lip as inconspicuously as he could.

:-:-:

As expected, he'd lost miserably after round four, when a boy with a Male Pheromones Alice showed up and forced him to surrender. Ruka exited and decided to wait at a corner for Koko to emerge – the guy was still in the game, and probably still going strong thanks to his Alice.

"Hey, Ruka!" Kitsuneme yelled as he waved brightly to the blonde boy, his other hand holding on tightly to a girl's hand. They approached him, and Ruka recognized the girl as Tsukasa Nakamura from class 4A – Kitsuneme's girlfriend of one year. They were inseparable ever since they got together, which startled the gang quite a bit, since he seemed like the playful, teasing type who would probably end up getting dumped within a few weeks by his girlfriend due to his lack of seriousness.

"'Sup," Ruka nodded at him, and gave the black-haired girl next to Kitsuneme a short wave, not at all feeling friendly towards her.

After they started to go out, Kitsuneme began making excuses to miss out on the activities the gang had made arrangements for beforehand, to spend time with his girlfriend. It bugged the shit out of everyone in their gang; even Natsume seemed to feel irritated by his misplaced priority. Nobody really believed they were going to last forever, anyway – and when they did break up, Kitsuneme was probably going to go running back to them, begging for forgiveness. And Koko would gladly forgive him despite all the misery that he'd caused him.

"Good morning, Nogi-san!" Tsukasa greeted politely, removing her hand from her boyfriend's to clutch onto his arm.

"Good morning, Nakamura-san," he replied cautiously.

They were practically physically inseparable; Ruka wouldn't have been surprised if Kitsuneme died from asphyxiation one of these days. He didn't like the way her bright blue eyes took in his appearance. He almost thought he saw greed crawling into them, but he told himself that he must have been mistaken. "You here for the RPG maze?" he turned to his friend to ask.

The answer was pretty obvious, though. Kitsuneme didn't exactly have any friends in the Special Ability Class except for Mikan.

He watched Kitsuneme grin and nod.

"Yeah," he said, "Tsukasa wanted to give the maze another go."

"Want to come in with us, Nogi-san?" she said invitingly, the corner of her lips quirking up slightly.

He refrained from scowling at her, and shook his head, "No, it's fine. I just came out. I'm actually waiting for Koko to be done, you see."

Tsukasa looked disappointed for a moment, and then the expression was swiftly wiped off her face as she gave Kitsuneme a peck on the cheek. "Well, I'll go get us the tickets then!"

"Thanks, baby," he smiled.

When she got out of earshot, Ruka didn't hesitate to look at her swaying hips with disdain. For some reason, she pissed him off even more than Mikan did when the latter first entered the academy. His attention was returned to the boy next to him when he heard an awkward cough.

"Uh, so how's the gang faring?" he asked, albeit uncomfortably, twisting the fabric of his coat with his fingers.

Good of you to ask, Ruka thought sarcastically, one would almost have thought you wouldn't have cared about us anymore. He hesitated, "Everybody's…fine."

That wasn't exactly a lie. _Almost _everybody was fine. Koko seemed to have recovered from wallowing in his misery, but Ruka knew from their conversation last week that he wasn't really over it.

"Even…even Koko?" Kitsuneme almost seemed scared to ask this.

Ruka braced himself, and forced his eyes to look up from his boots into Kitsuneme's brown eyes. "You do still care about him, don't you?"

"Of course I do! He's my best friend!" He seemed indignant at what Ruka was implying, but the blonde didn't care.

He knew that he had the right to question the level of importance Kitsuneme regarded their friendship on, what with his disappearing act for almost the whole of this year. Ruka ignored his protest, and said, "Are you really still? You haven't been hanging out with us for a long while. And since Koko's your supposed best friend, why are you ditching him for some girlfriend you've only known for a year?"

At this, Kitsuneme lowered his head and swallowed hard, looking like he would rather be anywhere else but there at the moment. "It's precisely because he's my best friend," he whispered.

Ruka thought he must have heard wrongly. "I don't understand," he said slowly, brows furrowing in confusion, "Why is _that_ the reason?"

Kitsuneme didn't look like he wanted to reply. Unfortunately for Ruka, his girlfriend came prancing up at that moment, latching herself to his arm and chirping to him that they should go in now. He halfheartedly wished them to have a good time, and just as they were about to leave his company to enter the maze, Ruka saw Koko exiting from it.

Koko seemed to be using his Alice, because in an instant his eyes landed on Ruka's, and he started walking in his direction. Kitsuneme, upon seeing his best friend, immediately froze on the spot.

"Hey," Koko said weakly, raising a trembling hand to wave at Kitsuneme, "it's been a while."

Kitsuneme nodded curtly, muttered a quick 'hi' to him and speedily walked away with his girlfriend. The sandy-haired boy stood rooted to the ground, looking at Kitsuneme's retreating back. Ruka couldn't bring himself to look at the stricken look at Koko's face.

"Sorry, Ruka, I think I need some time to myself," he said quietly, back turned to the said boy, "I'll…see you around."

He didn't wait for Ruka's reply; his feet were already dragging him along, outside of the attraction booth.

"Yeah, see you around," Ruka echoed, unsure of what had just happened.

:-:-:

**_Ruka Nogi at age nine_**

Natsume didn't say a word as he sat down on the edge of Ruka's bed and watched him work on Jinno's math worksheets. They were still unused to this silence between them; it wasn't like Natsume used to talk a lot, but the silence in the air was usually broken by Aoi, whose bubbly chattering would instantly diffuse any tension formed from the lack of conversation between the two of them. Ruka instantly felt his mood darken at the thought of Natsume's still missing sister.

"Hey," Ruka jumped at Natsume's voice over his shoulder, "you got this problem wrong."

The low, rough voice made the base of Ruka's neck heat up. How the hell was it that Natsume managed to sound so…_mature_?

"Which one?" he asked wearily, rubbing at his left eye.

He had been working on these sums for almost two hours, and his brain was completely worn-out from the overwork. He grumpily looked down at the question Natsume's index finger was pointing to, and listened to his best friend explain why his solution was incorrect.

"Thanks," he said finally, picking up his eraser to rub out his penciled working.

Natsume merely nodded in acknowledgment, and walked back to Ruka's bed. Out of the corner of his eyes, Ruka could see him flopping down on his bed. With a slow drawl, he asked Ruka to wake him up thirty minutes later. Ruka eyed the alarm clock sitting on his desk, right beside his pencil case, and wondered what Natsume had to wake up at 10:30 PM for. Usually, if he took a nap in Ruka's bed, he wouldn't ask to be woken up. And then, an idea hit him hard in the heart, and he considered the possibility of him going on a mission.

The thought filled him with unspoken anxiety and worry. There wasn't really much he could do, though, other than turning back to finish up his homework.

Thirty minutes passed by in a blink of an eye, and Ruka was finally done with his work. Feeling accomplished, he stood from his seat and stretched. With a smile on his face, he walked over to his best friend and nudged him, lightly, on the arm.

"Hey, Natsume, time to get up. It's been thirty minutes."

Natsume mumbled something incoherent into the pillow he had his face buried in, and shrugged off Ruka's arm. He frowned and tried again, this time grasping him by the arm and shaking it hard. "Hey, it's time to wake up," he said.

The raven-haired boy stirred slightly, but gave no other signs of consciousness.

What Ruka wouldn't give to leave him sleeping here. As much as this idea appealed to him, he knew that his best friend would get into a whole lot of trouble if he didn't turn up on time. He didn't relish the idea of seeing Natsume with those bruises and marks on his neck and legs, or seeing his face covered with that stupid cat mask. He bit his lip, and sat down on the bed next to where Natsume was lying, and tugged at his sleeve.

"Natsume, geez!" he snapped exasperatedly, reaching over with his hands to turn the other boy around, so that he was facing the ceiling.

Abruptly, Natsume twitched in his sleep, and curled up in an awkward-looking position, clutching at his chest. His breathing turned harsh and shallow, and Ruka watched on with panic. His grip on Natsume's arm tightened.

"Natsume…?"

Natsume's eyebrows were deeply furrowed, and a bead of sweat slowly rolled down from his forehead to his cheek.

"Hey, Natsume!"

In a flash, Natsume's right hand reached up and grabbed Ruka's left one, jerking it forward so that Ruka fell over, atop of him. Before Ruka could protest, Natsume's other hand circled around his back, pulling him close, so that Natsume's head was resting against the blond boy's chest. With this close proximity, he was pretty sure Natsume could hear the hard thumping of his heart in his chest. He swallowed hard, and whispered another time, "Natsume?

"Leave…Ruka…alone," he muttered, in a tone so low that Ruka had to listen hard to catch the words.

Ruka paled at this, and froze in Natsume's semi-embrace. After uttering that sentence, his breathing grew rapid and sharp, and Ruka found himself left with no choice but to pull himself away from Natsume and lift his hand to slap the latter across the face.

A sharp cracking sound filled the otherwise quiet air in his room, and Natsume's eyes snapped open after a few seconds. Ruka sighed in relief when he saw that his best friend had returned to normal.

"Ruka?" he questioned, bringing his hand up to feel his stinging cheek.

"Sorry, Natsume," Ruka winced, "I had to do that. You were muttering something and acting like you were in pain."

"Nightmare," Natsume said heavily, sitting up and casting a resigned look across the room to where he knew his friend's alarm clock was placed. "I've got to go," he said hastily, leaping up from the bed and stalking over to the door.

"Natsume!" Ruka called out, before he could vanish from his sight.

The said boy tilted his head slightly in his direction.

"Take…take care, okay? I'll wait for you to come back."

_You have to come back._

Natsume's smile was all that kept Ruka hopeful that night.

:-:-:

**_Ruka Nogi at age thirteen_**

He had to stop himself from gaping at the translucent woman who was passing by them, thoroughly ignoring their presence. As she glided across the room, her eyes slid to the side and she looked at him with eerie, blood red eyes. Sure, Natsume had red eyes, too, but it was nothing compared to a ghostly old lady who was translucently white all over and entirely decked out in bloodstained robes. Ruka suppressed a shudder and turned back to Natsume who raised an eyebrow at Ruka's apparent discomfort.

"What's up?" he asked, placing a hand on his best friend's shoulder.

Ruka yelled, and jerked away so fast he collapsed on the floor, landing so hard on his back that a thudding sound was heard. He felt his cheeks heat up rapidly, and he averted his eyes from Natsume's puzzled crimson ones. His heart thumped painfully in his chest, and he forced himself to keep looking down at his sneakers as he got up from the floor, dusting off his pants.

"N-nothing," he muttered.

Natsume's unreadable eyes roamed over to where the old lady had just vanished by stepping through an obviously solid wall. He said nothing as he started walking again, his hands shoved into his pockets. Ruka felt a little guilty, but there was nothing much he could do at this point, anyway. It wasn't like he wanted Natsume to find out about his feelings.

They finished through with the whole attraction pretty quickly, and Ruka had to admit to himself that this time wasn't all that bad – despite nearly wetting his pants when a human hand hacked off at its bloody wrist grabbed him on the ankle and refused to let go. He felt a big smile break out on his face when they exited, and Natsume looked at him quizzically. Ruka merely shrugged and assured him that it was pretty much nothing.

And then something freezing brushed against his shoulder. A harsh whisper entered his ears, and he was almost afraid to look over his shoulder.

_ "Did you take my head?"_

He didn't even get to look at whatever it was.

Natsume, who was right beside him, said, "Don't look behind just yet, Ruka."

He blinked. The next thing he knew, Natsume had shoved the freezing thing off his shoulder and was tugging him away from the haunted mansion.

"You probably would have fainted if you'd seen it," Natsume said flatly, immediately letting go out of Ruka's arm the second they were far enough. "It was some headless creep."

"Thanks, Natsume." The odd feeling of gratitude washed over him again, and he grinned brightly at his best friend. How many times had Natsume gotten his back, covered for him and protected him from any form of harm? It seemed like Natsume was always there for him, whenever he could.

That's right, he reminded himself, being just friends is good enough for me. I don't have to make things difficult for him.

The other boy turned away, scratching at the back of his head as what seemed like embarrassment crawled into his expression. "Sure."

Deep inside, something cracked. Ruka knew that he was lying to himself, but he couldn't stop.

:-:-:

Dinner was a noisy occasion. Everybody was busy chattering away to each other, gobbling down the different delicacies the buffet tables had to offer. Almost everyone was outside in the open, having fun and randomly dancing away to the music that was playing loudly in the background. There were a few Dangerous Ability Class members who didn't seem to want to partake in the activities and chose to be cooped up inside, watching in on the feverish scenes taking place outside their windows.

"I sure wish I could find Nobara-chan," Mikan sighed, propping her chin up with her elbow that rested against the hard surface of the elongated table she was sitting at with the rest of the gang. "I wonder where she is?"

Natsume grunted noncommittally and tossed a piece of popcorn chicken into his mouth. Ruka had a feeling that Natsume probably knew. Hotaru was munching away at the crab leg meat in her hands, and not saying anything to anyone else – she hardly ever did when she was busy eating. Upon noticing her best friend's wistful look, she held out an uneaten crab leg.

"Want some?" she offered, looking utterly indifferent to the many suitors surrounding her and showering her with praises.

Yuu looked nervously at the men all decked out in business suits, and coughed. Koko was sullen, and looked a little worse for the wear as he picked glumly at the fish on his plate. Ruka wondered if he had been that down spirited since the RPG maze. Not that he would know; he hadn't seen Koko since then. Come to think of it, this was the first time Kitsuneme hadn't joined them for dinner during the Alice Festival. This really bothered him for some reason, because he didn't like to see a gap in his inner circle of friends.

Mikan sighed and turned down her best friend's offer.

"I wouldn't worry about Ibaragi if I were you," Natsume spoke up, low enough so that only Mikan and Ruka, who were both sitting directly next to him, could hear, "she should be having fun right now."

Mikan blinked at him, her wide brown eyes probing the boy's deep red ones. "Really?" she asked, looking hopeful," Nobara-chan always looked so lonely. I just wish I could be there for her now to cheer her up."

Natsume looked at her for a moment, and then slowly reached out with his left hand to ruffle her hair. "You idiot," he said gruffly.

Ruka thought he saw something spark in his eyes, and he swallowed hard, looking back down on his plate of chicken wings. He supposed Natsume was right. Nobara Ibaragi was favored by Persona, after all. She could be the only student he ever was that nice to, in fact. He cautiously lifted a chicken wing and bit into the crisp skin, chewing through the soft meat. When the blond boy looked up, he found himself staring right into Koko's brown eyes.

Koko looked just as hapless as he felt.

"Hey, hey, Natsume! You want to dance? I'm sure it'd be fun!" Mikan cheered, standing up from her seat and extending a welcoming hand to the said boy, anticipation written all over her face. "This song is really great!"

"Don't wanna," Natsume deadpanned, stealing a chicken wing from Ruka's plate.

She pouted, and nagged at him for a while more. After getting rejected numerous times, Mikan huffily turned to Ruka and asked, "Ruka-pyon, will you dance with me?"

Looking up at her fair, innocent face, Ruka remembered back when he thought he had a small crush on Mikan. It hadn't lasted long; he'd only been a little infatuated with her because she was first person in the Academy who had been really selfless and kind to both him and Natsume. Compared to his two years of…whatever those feelings were that he had for Natsume, what he felt for Mikan was nothing. He stole a glimpse at Natsume, who looked neutral. But Ruka knew he was just struggling to keep his jealousy in check.

_Really, _he scolded the latter mentally as he looked him in the eye, _if this bothers you all that much, why the hell did you have to keep turning her down?_

Sometimes, he really believed that Natsume was the idiot instead of Mikan.

"Sure," he said with a smile, taking her proffered hand and standing up as well.

Natsume stiffened, and Ruka tasted something bitter at the tip of his tongue. He wasn't sure where it'd come from, but he knew he definitely didn't like it. He didn't like the way Natsume looked at him now. It wasn't like he was staring at Ruka with hostility, but something about the look in his eyes bugged him. Ruka figured that this was nothing, though, if it would push them together.

He more than deserved the happiness that he should be getting, anyway.

As they strolled off to the dancing area, Ruka tried to pretend that he was fine with this; Natsume being possessive over Mikan. Somehow, he couldn't stop that one thought that insisted on running through his head, the plea in the message echoing throughout his mind.

_Don't look at me like that._

Mikan winced, and attempted to jerk her hand away from Ruka's grasp. "Ruka-pyon? Your grip is really strong," she said.

"Oh, sorry," he said, hurriedly freeing her hand.

He couldn't resist one last look back at the table, even though he knew Natsume wouldn't still be looking at them. Koko was, though. The mind reader just stared at Ruka as he danced with Mikan, his inscrutable eyes never once looking away.

:-:-:

**Author's Note: Oh, and another thing. This story will contain more than just Natsume X Ruka. Actually, this story is more on Ruka's emotions and his interactions with everyone else. Anyway, hope you liked this. Review? :D**


	3. Subtle Hints

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice.

**EPISODE THREE: SUBTLE HINTS**

**Ruka Nogi at age thirteen**

Mikan had merrily drifted off to dance with some guy from their class after she'd finished dancing with Ruka, and the latter returned to the table, feeling drained. Being with the energetic and bouncy Mikan tended to do that to him, he realized. Natsume barely glanced up when he pulled out his seat and sat down. Ruka felt a light pang of guilt and a twang of pain tug at his heartstrings, but he firmly refused to acknowledge them. It was high time Natsume learned to stop acting like Mikan would always be by his side - she wouldn't wait forever, and Ruka didn't want to see his best friend shattered to pieces when she did leave - and start to take action.

He wouldn't say anything about it to Ruka; of course he wouldn't. But it didn't mean that Natsume couldn't keep entirely silent. After a few minutes of nothing but awkward quietness shared between them, the blond boy decided that he was done waiting for Natsume to speak first. He leaned over and whispered, "You know, if it matters that much to you, you shouldn't just sit here and do nothing. Go ask her to dance. I think we're past the age when I can just shove you at her and tell you two to dance."

Natsume looked up at him, startled. This somehow reminded him of back when they were ten, when he'd pushed them together during the Christmas party and insisted that they have a dance. He knew that Natsume wasn't exactly all that noble; he wanted to dance with Mikan, too, instead of letting her have the chance to go prancing around with all the other boys in the academy, but didn't know to approach the situation, and was also wary of what Persona might do if he did get to dance with her. Ruka had resolved the issue by forcing them on each other, knowing that it would look like Natsume was mostly dancing with her because Ruka wanted it - and this settled most of the problem.

"I don't want to," was Natsume's response as he bit down on the deep-fried chicken. Ruka wanted nothing more but to strangle him.

He didn't even know how much it took a chunk out of Ruka just to suggest that they dance together. He wasn't aware of how much Ruka hurt on the inside whenever he saw Natsume so blatantly obsessing over her, knowing that nobody else but Mikan would do. He just wanted Natsume to be happy – and for that, he'd do just about anything.

"Natsume!" he exclaimed, frustrated by his friend's obstinacy, "Just go already!"

He nudged him sharply in the ribs, and Natsume narrowed his eyes at him. Ruka merely gazed back at him, undeterred. A few seconds passed, and Natsume heaved a sigh, grabbing a couple of serviettes off the table to wipe his mouth with.

"Okay, fine," he muttered, pushing back the chair and standing up. Before he left, the red-eyed boy threw Ruka one last sentence, "I'll go ask her. Just stop glaring at me already."

Ruka halted his glowering and mustered the best smile he could under the circumstances, "Have fun, Natsume!"

He watched Natsume weave through the large crowd and sighed. When Ruka turned back to the table, he found that Koko was already sitting next to him, occupying the seat Natsume had been sitting in previously. The mind reader raised his head and smiled a little at him. He thought that it'd looked rather sad, but he couldn't quite put his finger on why he'd felt so. Ruka squared his shoulders and returned the tentative smile, and resumed eating his tuna.

For the rest of the night, Ruka couldn't help but notice that Koko was scanning the crowd whenever he got the chance to do so, undetected. He guessed that he was looking for Kitsuneme, but Koko hadn't even mentioned his name since he first appeared at their table.

Beside him, Hotaru bent the crab leg and broke the shell rather loudly, and bit into the crab leg. If he wasn't wrong, she seemed to be a little listless. When she lifted her head to wipe her mouth, he caught her looking distractedly in the direction of where Natsume and Mikan were dancing. He watched as her expression darkened, and wondered what she could possibly have been thinking.

Both Koko and Hotaru didn't seem to be their usual selves, and Ruka found himself worrying over their odd behaviors. _What's with the both of them?_

:-:-:

**Ruka Nogi at age ten**

He wanted to find a peaceful place where he could rest and take a break from all the drama earlier in the day, and so Ruka decided to head up to the rooftop. With each step up the staircase to the rooftop, Ruka felt his heart lift by a slight inch. By the time he reached the top of the stairway and was twisting the doorknob to the entrance of the rooftop, his mood was significantly lighter and Ruka thought, rather brightly, that he would have plenty of time to hang around on the rooftop by himself, to just clear his head.

However, when he pushed open the door, his heart immediately sank, all the way down to his toes, pushing themselves against them as if trying to escape from his body. The guilt came back in a giddy rush, and the hand that was still on the doorknob trembled.

Natsume was already sitting on the rooftop, looking up into the blue sky, which had a hint of red creeping into it. Ruka supposed he really shouldn't have been all that shocked; after all, Natsume hung around in the rooftop all the time. He took a step backward and got ready to close the door quietly, when Natsume turned his head.

"Ruka?" he said, sounding surprised.

He blamed the creaky wooden door.

Caught in the middle of trying to leave undetected, he raised a hand and smiled sheepishly at his best friend. "Hey."

"Come and sit down," Natsume said, patting a spot next to him.

He was acting like he'd completely forgotten or gotten over what Ruka had done earlier, and it was making him feel worse instead of better. Ruka reluctantly crossed over the threshold and moved forward to where Natsume was seated. Natsume didn't say anything else as Ruka sat down beside him, cross-legged, and just continued looking into the distance in silence.

The sun was setting, and all Ruka was feeling then was an empty, hollow feeling. He felt like an idiot for being taken in so easily by Reo Mouri; how could he have been so stupid? He'd put so many people in the Academy in unnecessary danger, and even injured several of the innocent people who'd tried to stop him from his crazy actions. Guilt and shame engulfed him, and he watched the orange sky slowly deepen in shade, and admired the few strong streaks of blood-red across the orange, watching the burning sun slowly set over the horizon.

Ruka let out a heavy sigh. If he could have undone all those mistakes he'd made, he would have given up almost everything just to do so. At the sound of his sigh, Natsume tilted his head slightly to his left and studied Ruka's face.

"What's wrong?"

Trust Natsume to forgive him for making such hideous errors, and think that he probably wasn't still dwelling on it. Sure, a lot of people had told him that it wasn't his fault; Reo had used his Alice on him, and very few people had the ability to resist his Hearing Alice. Still, he felt that if he had run away when he first saw Reo, none of this would have happened.

"You know what's wrong," he said softly, hanging his head.

Natsume was silent for a while, leading Ruka to believe that he was doing some thinking. Ruka closed his eyes, wanting to savor the quiet and the comfortable atmosphere hanging in the air. He jumped and his eyelids flew open when Natsume's hand covered his own, which was placed on the roofing tiles, beside his lap. Electric sparks traveled along the line of contact, and Ruka swallowed hard. His heart was skipping beats, and he discovered he really liked the feel of Natsume's hand on the back of his. It was warm, callused and rough, and Ruka found that he liked it just fine.

What was wrong with him?

The black-haired boy cleared his throat, and said in his usual husky voice, "I'm sorry I slapped you earlier."

Ruka blinked, dumbfounded. Was he seriously saying that? "If you hadn't, I would probably still have been in a trance now. You did the right thing, and you know it."

"I could've used some other method," he winced, "I've never hit you before. Sorry. Did it hurt?"

"I don't remember," Ruka lied.

It hurt like nothing he'd ever experienced before; the stinging physical pain was thoroughly amplified by his aching internal hurt, hurt that Natsume would hit him. Still, it was the right thing to do, and Ruka would have done the same if he was Natsume. So he didn't really see how Natsume could apologize for something he'd done right.

They said nothing else to each other as they watched the sun set before them, watching as the sky slowly turned dark. Ruka didn't dare to move his hand under Natsume's warm one, for fear that if he did, Natsume would pull away. Minutes ticked away to hours, and the hours stretched on till Ruka felt all of his guilt and shame slip away, into the darkness of the starless night sky.

With the descent of the night, the cold weather soon followed, and he found himself shivering slightly. Natsume still looked calm and composed, as though the cold wasn't affecting him at all; Ruka supposed that it really wasn't. He did notice Ruka's shivering, however, and the latter jerked when his hand got flipped over and grasped tightly by his best friend's warm hand.

Natsume's gaze slid to him. "Cold?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Yeah."

"You can go back inside, if you want," he offered, fingers already loosening their hold on Ruka's hand.

Ruka immediately tightened his grip on Natsume's hand, panic stirring up in his chest. He didn't want Natsume to let go just yet. "No, I'm fine," he said, struggling not to sound like he was desperate, "I'll stay out here for a bit more."

Natsume's eyes widened in surprise at the way Ruka was holding his hand, but didn't comment on it as he turned back to the sky. Instead, he said, "Want to lie down?"

"Sure," Ruka answered, relief flooding through him as he slid down and rested his head against the cool tiles of the rooftop. Beside him, Natsume did the same.

He stiffened when Natsume squeezed his hand.

Ruka couldn't have felt more grateful that he had Natsume for a best friend.

At the end of that night, they both found that, somehow, their fingers had intertwined.

:-:-:

**Ruka Nogi at age thirteen**

It was kind of stupid, really. Ruka wanted to head up to the rooftop in hopes that Natsume would be there too. He knew that he should probably have been working on his Math homework which was due tomorrow; all sixteen worksheets of it. Yet, he just wasn't in the mood for it. Seeing Natsume's smile when he was dancing away with Mikan made him want to bury deep into the ground and never have to see the world again. Or maybe just rip out his heart so he wouldn't have to taste the agony dancing on the tip of his tongue, bitter as it was.

He had a feeling Natsume would be at the Sakura tree tonight, though. He always did, whenever the sky was filled with stars, like it was now. He didn't want to go to the Sakura tree, however; it was also where Mikan liked to go. If Natsume really was there, he didn't particularly want to see them together. Ruka shook his head. Just thinking about this was giving him a headache. He resolved not to do anymore unnecessary thinking that night, and as he decided on this, he yanked open the rooftop door, sure that he would be the only one there.

He was wrong.

Hotaru Imai was lying down on the rooftop, dangling something above her face with her left hand. As Ruka took another step closer, he thought that she looked as if she was contemplating something serious. But what was it?

She jerked when he moved closer, possibly because she heard his footsteps. Startled, Hotaru whipped her head around. Upon seeing Ruka, her grip on whatever it was she'd been holding to loosened, and it slipped from her fingers, falling onto the tiles and making a loud clanging noise. It slid down the sloping rooftop, and Ruka heard a yelp escape her throat as she lurched forward, reaching out for it.

He'd never heard her make such a sound before, and was thoroughly alarmed. Blaming himself for creeping up on her and possibly causing her to drop something precious to her, Ruka ran. He chased after the tumbling object as it sped down the rooftop in a series of zigzag motion.

He made a grab for it as it reached the edge of the roof, and to his surprise, actually managed to get a hold of it. His fingers closed around a small hard object, and Ruka made a surprised sound before pulling back. Hotaru was already on his right, amethyst eyes wide with anxiety. She stared down at his fist and demanded, "Did you get it?"

"Yeah," Ruka said, feeling relieved as he uncurled his fingers to reveal the item in his hand.

Hotaru's eyes widened, and it looked like she wanted to say something. When he opened his hand, however, she looked like she wanted to shoot herself. She shut her slightly agape mouth and snatched it out of his hand, snapping, "Thanks."

Ruka had already seen it, however; he stared at her hand as it moved to her pocket to deposit the figurine of Natsume. He couldn't have been mistaken. He was pretty damn sure it was the one you could get only by winning the RPG maze. The question was, why did Hotaru choose it out of all the other things she could get? She'd seemed so horrified when he saw it, too. Was it something no one was supposed to know?

His mind flashed back to a few days ago, back in the cafeteria when he had bumped into her. She had mentioned that there was a possibility she knew what being in love was like. Could the person she liked be Natsume? She rarely even spoke to him, though. They barely interacted with each other – the idea that Hotaru had a crush on Natsume was completely inconceivable. Ruka slammed the heel of his hand to his forehead and cursed. He could feel a migraine coming on.

She was eyeing him with an unreadable expression on her face, having regained her composure from the fright she had received earlier. Ruka stared right back at her. Azure blue eyes met amethyst purple ones, and the staring contest was on. Several seconds passed, but Ruka was determined not to blink. In the end, Hotaru looked away first. She withdrew her now empty hand from her pocket and lay back down.

Ruka sighed. He really didn't believe Hotaru had a thing for Natsume. Still...

"What do you want to ask?"

Huh? The blond-haired boy blinked at her in confusion. She was facing him now, with her head turned in his direction, looking as stoic as ever. Perhaps it was just him, but Ruka thought he saw a trace of irritation crossing her face. But no, he was probably wrong.

"You want to ask something, don't you? It's all over your face. Just ask," she said briskly, not bothering to cover up her impatience.

Ruka hesitated, wondering if he should go ahead and ask. He didn't want to risk angering her any further. Curiosity got the further of him before he could keep it under control, and he blurted out, "Why did you get that when there were so many others you could obtain?"

Hotaru glanced at him, seemingly surprised by the question. "It was the last one they had; I went there pretty late. I didn't exactly have a choice."

Oh. That settled it. He immediately felt like a moron for overthinking things. Suddenly, an idea struck him. Hotaru didn't even really want the figurine. She probably wouldn't even mind giving it to him. Then again, this was Hotaru Imai he was talking about; the greedy, money-minded girl nobody else in the Academy could compare up to. She would definitely want to trade in something for it, probably photos of him in embarrassing situations or outfits. But if it meant that he could get it, whatever she wanted in exchange was nothing.

Ruka plucked up his courage and spoke. "Hey, Hotaru, you don't really want it, right? I mean, you only took it because it was the last one, right?"

Realization flickered in her eyes as she looked at him. "You want to have it."

He immediately felt his cheeks and ears heat up, and he looked down. "Yes," he admitted.

"I always thought if there was someone you would get a figurine of, it would be Mikan."

He instantly turned defensive, hunching over, wishing that he could curl himself up into a ball and forget this conversation ever happened. She was so close from discovering his secret. "It's different. It's just that..." he trailed off, unsure of what he should say.

Her expression turned sly. "Interesting," she commented lightly, "I think I misinterpreted something."

He fumbled for something to say in return. "Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"

Ignoring his question, she sat up and threw her own question at him instead. "If I give it to you, what will I get in return?"

"What did you mean?" he persisted. Fear seeped through his pores; if Hotaru found out, she could blackmail him to no end.

"I asked," she repeated, "and I'm not going to ask again, what I would get in return for giving you that mini-figurine."

He was abruptly aware of how this was probably his last chance to get a Natsume figurine, and sighed. "What do you want?"

"All of your time this Saturday. Non-negotiable."

Uncertain of whether he'd heard her correctly, he squinted hard at her and said slowly, "Uh...what did you say? Did you just say, 'All of your time this Saturday'?"

"Do you want this or not?" She pulled out the figurine of his best friend out of her pocket, and dangled it in front of him. Up close, it looked more like a cell phone charm to him. Maybe it was.

"Wh-what are we going to be doing?" he asked nervously. Or rather, he wondered grimly, what is she going to make me do?

"Last chance. Yes, or no?"

Ruka stared at her, brows furrowed in bewilderment. Under the moonlight, the glossy finish of the figurine made it shine brightly as she dangled it back and forth. An image of Natsume and Mikan laughing together and holding hands just like any other couple flashed across his mind. Arriving at a decision, he finally said, "Okay."

Hotaru tucked the figurine back into her skirt pocket before Ruka could protest, and said calmly, "I'll be keeping it just in case. I'll give it to you on the day itself."

Disgruntled, he withdrew his hand that was already halfway in midair, about to grasp for the object. "Thanks for the faith," he snapped, running his fingers through his hair. Ruka secretly admitted to himself that she had good reason for doing so; if he got it beforehand, he probably would have tried to escape from her on Saturday and not be forced to do whatever she wanted. To be honest, he was terrified of what she was planning to do on that day.

"See you Saturday," Hotaru said, standing up and smoothing her skirt as she did so. Before she turned her back to him, Ruka caught sight of the look on her face - she looked troubled, and that puzzled him. She had just successfully extorted twenty-four hours from him in exchange for something she didn't even really want, didn't she? He chose not to dwell on it, however, and leaned back to admire the star-filled sky. The door to the rooftop clicked shut behind him. Realization hit him in the face as the clicking sound traveled to his ears.

_Wait, isn't Saturday tomorrow?_

:-:-:

_**Ruka Nogi at age twelve**_

"So, what questions are you having trouble with?" Natsume pulled out his pencil case and calculator from his drawer and dumped them on his desk, before raising his eyebrows at his best friend questioningly.

Ruka shuffled forward, placing his math workbook on the polished wooden desk and sitting down one of the two chairs tucked into the table. "Um, questions six, ten and fifteen," he said, scratching the back of his neck. He couldn't help but feel a little stupid for not knowing how to solve a couple of math problems Natsume was sure to breeze through. Ruka opened the book and flipped to the page that they were on.

His best friend, obviously not thinking of anything along those lines, sat down beside him and pulled the book towards himself. Ruka forced himself to examine the lines on the palm of his hand while Natsume yanked out a few sheets of foolscap paper and worked out the problems. It didn't take him long, of course.

"You got this step wrong, that's why you carried on with the mistake through the rest of your steps," Natsume said, tapping on the page with a pencil. "Never cancel the _x_ out like that. You should always bring it over, just in case its value isn't 0."

"Right."

Ruka wondered, with a wild sort of panic, if Natsume could hear the sound of his heart beating. He could hear an odd buzzing in his ears; possibly the blood rushing through his veins. He wished that Natsume wasn't sitting quite so close to him, forearm just an inch away from his own. Contrary to his expectations, these feelings hadn't faded over the years. Rather, they'd been amplified by the passing of time and it was driving Ruka crazy.

Ruka commanded himself to focus and pay attention to what Natsume was saying. He needed to learn how to solve these problems, and sitting there thinking of how Natsume's voice was sending rough tingles down his spine wasn't going to help him. "So," he started, frowning, "I just need to move this over, multiply it by this, and then solve the equation by factorization?"

"Yeah. Pretty easy, I know. And about this one," Natsume tapped the pencil on question ten, "you made a careless mistake. Look at this. I think you wrote a 6 that looked so much like a 0 that you mistook it for a 0."

He glanced down at the expression, and felt heat crawl up his ears in embarrassment. He hadn't noticed it before. "Whoops."

Natsume waited for him to scribble down some notes beside his working before flipping to the next page.

"And this one," he said, the pencil tip resting on question fifteen, "is pretty tough."

He pushed it in Ruka's direction so that the latter could see it better, and leaned closer. Ruka's stomach did an uneasy flip as the other boy moved in so close his chest was touching Ruka's arm. His breath hitched as Natsume reached over to the workbook with his pencil, and started to circle some of the keywords, writing side-notes as he did so.

"...and because you have to realize that it means that there are four roots, you need to be careful when reading the question," he continued in a patient tone, and proceeded to explain what Ruka should have done instead of what he did previously.

Ruka glared hard at the page, and forced himself to concentrate. Natsume shot a concerned glance at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing – just a little cold." Ruka shrugged and picked up his pen again.

The black-haired boy paused and appeared to be pondering something. Then he draped his arm around Ruka's shoulders, so that his wrist was resting on Ruka's left shoulder, and pulled him nearer. The latter was pretty sure that his face was cherry-red; it was burning up, as if his whole face was on fire.

"Right, so…" began Natsume once again, appearing oblivious to his best friend's blushing plight.

Natsume's nonchalant face was a mere few inches from his own. If he just leaned forward a little…

Ruka spent the rest of the time in Natsume's room trying his hardest to refrain himself from doing something which would most definitely have freaked Natsume out.

:-:-:

_**Ruka Nogi at age thirteen**_

The incessant banging on his door was driving him crazy. He groaned a little and buried his head deeper beneath his pillow and yanked his comforter over his head. Hoping that it would eventually go away if he paid no heed to it, he scrunched his eyes shut again and tried to lull himself back to sleep. It wasn't working; as the seconds ticked by, the banging got even louder.

"What the hell?" Ruka mumbled to himself, emerging from his pillow and casting a bleary glance at the alarm clock on his white nightstand.

_6:02 AM_

Who could possibly be knocking (or rather, banging) on his door at this time of the morning? The surroundings were still dark, and the sun hadn't even risen yet. He muttered another swear word and flopped back onto his pillow, using as much strength as he could to glare at the door. Ruka was surprised none of his dorm neighbors had rushed out of their rooms to kill whoever was making all that noise. Then again, they were probably all doing the same thing he was – lying under his covers and covering his ears with his pillow, hoping that the banging would eventually stop.

Sighing, he sat up on his bed and rubbed at his half-closed eyelids. He'd slept at around ten that night, having anticipated a busy and tiring whole day being slaved around by Hotaru the next day, and so he really wasn't that tired. Still, well-rested or not, waking up in the morning was still a difficult thing for most people, including Ruka. Before he could stand up and open his door, however, it flew open and Hotaru walked in, looking utterly unperturbed by Ruka's yell of shock.

"Morning."

He stared, horrified, at the lock gun in her hand, and she shrugged her shoulders. "You didn't answer the door."

"Why are you here?" he demanded, "Do you have any idea of the time right now? It's 6 in the morning!"

"You slept at ten last night. I don't really think you're that sleepy," was her answer.

Hotaru was still as scary as ever. Ruka couldn't help but think that Mikan was right back then, when she said, in horror, that Hotaru was an all-knowing alien from space. Was his room bugged? "Why are you here?" he asked again.

"You owe me your time today, remember?" Hotaru tucked the lock gun away into her brown sling bag. She looked up at him, quirked an eyebrow and said, "Get your stuff. You can start paying it off now."

:-:-:

**Author's Note: This was short, and I didn't really like it, and I promise the next one will be longer. I did this in one day. Today, to be exact. I wasn't planning to cut it off like that, but it's 1:57 AM here and I'm really tired. Forced myself to write because I just wanted to post something up for Christmas to tell you guys that I'm not dead. I'm focusing more on my original story now, see. So…yeah. I'm sorry this took so long, but I'll definitely continue updating. Even though it's going to take a while. I know just where I'm going with this, no worries.**

**Merry Christmas everybody! :D**

**PS. I'm so tired.**


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